Maternal instinct

I was driving home from work just now, listening to catchy song on the radio when i suddenly felt a kick from inside my stomach. A light kick and i turned down the volume of the radio. Confused and unsure whether its really the baby or merely just gas, i waited for another kick from the baby and said "assalamualaikum baby.. Baby kick mama ke tadi?"

And then came a stronger kick. The first kick that i know for sure it's the baby because it felt the same when aqeef kicked me previously when he was inside.

My heart skipped a beat.

Subhanallah, i suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling towards the baby inside my womb. My tears came streaming down then and there. I was not sure why at first, but i touched my stomach and felt an unconditional love towards my baby.

Honestly, today was the first time
I really felt connected with the baby. Previously, i've always felt somewhat worried that i will never be able to love the baby like i love aqeef. And that's partly the reason why it took me this long to even consider giving aqeef a baby brother or sister. i just thought it wouldnt be fair for another baby if his/her own mother does not have the capacity to love him/her as much as the elder brother.pffft.

I even talked to syafik about this and he even joked about it.

"Takpelah, nanti kita bahagi dua je anak tu, dia jaga aqeef, saya jaga baby tu nanti". Haha, boleh?his way of joking around.

And to top it off, my pregnancy started off badly with severe whole-day-sickness, a weak womb and i am also attending my masters class on the weekends. Super tired and stressful because the pregnancy makes me feel sick during the classes. Only Allah knows how it feels. And shamefully i blamed the baby because i've always loved my classes.

To sum it up, i was so stressed out and not ready at all to have another baby. When i found out that we were pregnant, i was not at all ready or ecstatic for that matter. I just went with the flow kot.

Until today, that is.

After the kick, i cried horribly throughout the journey as i was swept away by guilt and tremendous love towards the baby. Its undescribable. Upon reaching the house, i called hubby and cried more. Told him what happened and said thank u to him for having babies with me. He was so sweet and comforting and told me to go inside and eat something for the baby. T-T.

Syukur ya Allah for everything, i feel so blessed. Thank you baby, for choosing me to be your mother insyaAllah.

Everything happens for a reason kan? We just need to have faith in Allah's plan and know for sure that he wont test us unless he knows that we can handle the test insyaAllah.=)

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You dont know what you got til its gone

Tengah tengah pregnant ni malam2 jarang ada hati dan perasaan nak makan berat berat. Loya tekak n kadang kadang mmg just plain takde selera kalau lepas kul 9 malam tu nak makan nasi or berat berat. So what i do is makan buah2, cikedis cikedis, kacang2 pape kan. Tapi most of the time, potong buah n makan la.

And setiap kali pun potong buah, aqeef akan datang kacau and claim buah2 tu dia punya. "Mama tak bley makan.. Ni acip punya..." Sambil muka berlagak makan laju laju nak lumba dgn mama siapa makan paling banyak. And when you're pregnant and hungry (sbb itulah dinner kite tadi kan), anak pun boleh jadi musuh. Haha. (Ok saya je gini kot).

Dah la merajuk rajuk dgn si acip, mengadu ngadu dgn papa pasal acip (selalunya papa geleng kepala je tgk perbalahan kami, haha), pastu berebut2 angkat bekas letak buah tinggi2 supaya aqeef tak sampai la bagai. Pastu aqeef pun kadang2 perangai bertuah dia sampai, dok bawak lari bekas bekas buah semua. Haish. Mak stress ok.

Itulah rutin harian kami, tak gaduh tak sah bila nak makan buah (padahal anak beranak kuat makan, asal part makan je masing2 taknak kalah, huhu).

Tapi malam ni, aqeef tido awal. Pukul 8.30 malam dah kiok, sbb ptg tadi cousin2 dia abg amar, abg anwar n abg aiman dtg main dgn aqeef. Sunyi pulak rasa. Takde org berebut buah dgn mama.


Buah ni pun tak sesedap macam bila berebut dgn aqeef. =( betullah org kata "without your kids, your house will be clean, your wallet will be full, but your heart will be empty".

In my case, my fruit will be all mine, but the kick is not there. Empty, yes i feel empty. Poyo.



Esok midterm exam account. Mama nak mati study, aqeef kasi can mama study, dia pulun tido awal. Oh i miss u already my boy, bangun cepat, mama nak gaduh dgn acip.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone