6 months in

Alhamdulillah i am 25 weeks with adam and aqeef's little baby brother inshaAllah. 😊😊 couldnt feel more blessed. Thank you ya Allah. Especially now that i have abang aqeef who is so caring in terms of my well being. When i am down with my morning sickness or backache, he'll be the one asking me whether i'm ok or not, massaging my head, my back, asking me whether i need anything and constantly reassuring me that i look pretty(even when i just throw my stomach out and had saliva across my face) and that he loves me so much. So blessed alhamdulillah.

Even though at his age, academically, he's not where i expect him to be, i am thankful that his heart and manners are way bigger if not beyond any of  the adults that i am surrounded these days. And adam's progressing well as well alhamdulillah. At 25 months, he is so active and loves to play. He's very friendly and its very easy for him to adapt with strangers unlike his abang aqeef. We can actually leave him with his atok and nanny and he will not even cry a little bit. The only thing is, he's still not talking properly. I am fine with it but his maktok kept hinting me to send him to see a speech therapist, seeing that his cousin zulaikha who is 6 months younger already can speak properly.  Bahahaha. To which i just laughed cause i believe that he'll speak when its time for him to speak. Afterall, zulaikha's mother didnt even speak until she was 5 and she turned out to be the genius in the family.

And my father's alzheimer has gotten worse which affects him physically, mentally and pschycologically as well. Cause at times he will forget how to walk, where he is and how to do even the simplest thing such as going to the toilet. Hmm, but his temper remains the same and its really affecting the family. With this condition i really feel that i need to love my children enough so that they can take care of us when we're old. Cause my father's the type of father who buys his children's love with money and demand attention with his anger and hence, now only a certain number of his children willingly takes care of him at his old age if not none. Its my mom who really takes good care of him and still he constantly direct his anger to my mom. Its so depressing.

I am taking care of my father because of my mom, to be honest. To take some of the burden off of her, sad to say. 😦😦 cause i cant take his means words, not then and not now. Especially when i'm full with all these pregnancy hormones now. Pfftt.. ok enough for today. But to quote one of my colleagues, zul " takkan takde langsung kebaikan abah kau yg menyumbang kepada perkembangan kau?ingatlah and berbaktilah selagi boleh". Insaf. And with that i am thankful for my father regardless what he's said or done cause i wont be who i am now without him. I wont be this strong authoritative woman with him, cause i got it from him. Hahaha.

Ok again i am thankful for everything, pray that everything will go smoothly for my father and the whole family, amin.